i have depression, so it's hard to remember anything that wasn't an isolated moment, like opening a new game or something.
the last treasured memory i have is a sleepover i had with a friend on his birthday; he invited a few friends from school, we all played paintball, and then stayed at his place that night and into the following day, where we all played video games, ate, and watched youtube until the cows came home. it's the only real sleepover i've ever been to, excluding things with family, and really the only time i've ever hung out with friends outside of school. i've always wanted to do that more often.
...now that i've written this out, i think the late 2010s up to the summer of 2020 was the last time i wasn't super depressed. i know for a fact i'm romanticizing things--i was in highschool then, and i know for a fact highschool, and that entire general timeframe sucked, even my peers and teachers noticed how outwardly depressed i appeared--but now that i've been a real adult for a little while, i really miss it, and i feel like i really missed out. the routine of getting up early, listening to music on the bus and before school, turning my brain off during class, skipping lunch to play video games in the library or reading manga under a tree, making small talk with my peers, unrequited love and heartbreak, and having a group of friends (most of whom i didn't care too much for, admittedly, but i had a few very close friends that i really miss)...typing this out is making me want to cry.
